Day 9: Missed Opportunities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk myself out of opportunities to better myself, challenge myself, and do better for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear keep me from taking advantage of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to right away determine if an opportunity is a good one or not.

I forgive myself for all of the opportunities I have missed, with men, with women, with business, with sport, with academia, with self-direction, etc.

I forgive myself for all the times that there was a woman that I wanted to speak to, and an opportunity presented itself for me to speak to her, but I did not take it.

I forgive myself for all the times that there was a man that I wanted to speak to, and an opportunity presented itself for me to speak to him, but I did not take it.

I forgive myself for all the times I was presented with an opportunity to progress in business, but did not take it.

I forgive myself for all the times I was presented with an opportunity to enhance my skills in academia or sport, but I did not take it.

I forgive myself for all the times I was presented with an opportunity to direct myself away from something bad, or/and toward something good, but I did not take it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear, as thoughts and backchat and emotion, as tension and anxiety, keep me from taking advantage of an opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the fear of being rejected by another human that is equal to me, paralyze me, and keep me from talking to another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being rejected by another person ultimately means death for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that being rejected by another person, or even an entire group does not equate to me being dead, or living some terrible life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of being ostracized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of becoming infamous and being known as a loser or fraudster where my picture is posted all across the internet and my name is slandered and destroyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see and understand that I am already living as if those things have happened to me, so if they did happen to me in reality, I wouldn't be losing anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see and accept that my unwillingness/fear of talking to people in order to establish a relationship with them actually comes from a fear of losing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have something to lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of losing my dignity, when I dignity does not exist on this Earth, and I definitely am not living with dignity right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more concerned with maintaining the image that other people have of me and my relationship with dignity, than my actual relationship with dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of losing the relationships I currently have with my friends and my family, when none of those relationships that I am fearful of losing are based within what is best, and none of them are really providing true value to myself and the other person, and in my fear of losing the superficial relationships I have with friends and family, and hold those relationships in a position of superficiality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of losing the reputation that I have in other people's minds, not realizing that even if I did lose the reputation that I have in other people's minds, it would not affect my life one bit; I don't really hang out with anybody, so it's not like I would be losing a friend group, I don't really see extended family much, so it's not like I would be losing key family relationships, one of my brothers will never approve regardless of what I do, so that wouldn't change, one of my brothers will always support regardless of what I do, so that wouldn't change one of my parents doesn't care, one of my parents will never approve, regardless of what I do, so those relationships wouldn't change, so I am really not losing anything, even if I lose the reputation I have in other people's minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of losing some imaginary 'good life' that I do not even have, and in this, keeping myself from ever doing the things necessary to create this 'good life' in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of ending up in hell that I have put myself in hell, inside of myself and in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of losing that I never even try.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe the stakes to be high, when they are not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see and realize that every time I push through a fear, and make the best of an opportunity, not only does the fear prove to be completely false, but the actual result has consistently been something either somewhat beneficial or extremely beneficial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and imagine in my mind, that if I say the wrong thing or one person doesn't like me, then somehow the whole community will find out about it and ostracize me, when that is ridiculously unlikely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, and understand, and realize, that, generally speaking, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger and better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, realize, and understand, that even if I get rejected and I get ostracized my a single person, or even a group, or my family, or the whole community, I will still be alive, I will still be able to walk and talk and laugh and play and start again, and pick up and move somewhere else and start a new life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself of the responsibility of taking over control of my life, and seeing that as long as I am still breathing, I will always be able to take care of myself, and make a life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of falling short.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see and realize and understand that, even if I fall short, as long as I am still breathing, I can try again, and I can always try again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, realize and understand, that no matter what happens, I will always find a way to keep breathing, and so long as I keep breathing, I will always have an opportunity to be better, until the moment that I am no longer breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my thoughts to run as soon as I see a potential person that I can talk to, to where those thoughts will eventually talk me out of talking to that person, or talk me in to waiting too long to talk to that person where the opportunity to build a relationship is lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow my thoughts and feelings as valid indicators of what I should do or not do in a given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people judging me for talking about my business around them, or for talking to and flirting with a woman around them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who network for business purposes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people when they talk about their business and try to share their business with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about sharing my business, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others who share their business publicly and openly as slimy people or bad people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people in any form of business as immediately dishonest or disloyal people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge men who try to pick up women and who flirt with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label women who flirt with men as sluts and men that flirt with women as douches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label anyone who I perceive to have more sexual success than I do as a douche or a slime ball or a bro, or some other demeaning name, in an attempt to try and put myself above them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my perceptions and mind games, and other people's perceptions and mind games, over physical movement and action.

When I can see a course of action which is best, and all the thoughts and feelings and emotions and backchat comes up to keep or delay me from taking action, I commit myself to acknowledging that all of those mind games only exist in make-believe world and none of it exists in the real world, and so I breathe, if needed I bring myself back into reality through observing my body and surroundings, and move myself to that course action:

If it is speaking to a parent, I commit myself to complimenting the parent on how well-behaved their children are, and open up the conversation, regardless of who they are, and regardless of who is around.

If it is speaking to a woman, I commit myself to just starting the conversation, any way possible, whether it be with a question like "how's your day so far?/what has been the best part of your day has been so far?" or even just a "hey - what's up?", then opening up the conversation from there, regardless of how pretty or attractive I think they are, and regardless of who is around.

I commit myself to, when and as I catch myself judging somebody else for moving themselves and speaking to somebody else, whether it be to sexually attract them, or to do business with them, or any other reason, I catch the thoughts that are running, call myself out for being a coward and trying to justify not moving myself, then committing myself to doing the exact thing and sincerely trying to accomplish the same result that I judged the other person for trying to accomplish.

I commit myself to, step by step, overcoming my fears of talking to women, especially women that I find attractive, through physical repetition and exposure of actually talking to women I think are attractive, over time. If I can't think of anything to open the conversation with, I will tell them that I am working on overcoming my fear of talking to women I find attractive.

I commit myself to, step by step, overcoming my fears of talking to prospects, especially prospects that I am intimidated by, because I perceive them as higher than me, through physical repetition and exposure to actually opening conversation with prospects and at least mentioning what I do, over time. I if I can't think of anything to open the conversation with, I will tell them that I've started building my career in the education industry, and I see that they are a parent,  so I would love to get their opinion on the company I work with that creates geniuses.