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Day 4: Women and Finding a Partner, Part 2



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to lay out exactly what I have going on in my mind about women, relationships, and my ideal partner.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to define what I want in a partner and relationship, and keep what is good and practical and best, and leave everything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to find a partner, without doing the physical actions and movements necessary to find a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate without question, and to not want to give up masturbation, because in my mind I cannot see anything really wrong with it, even though I intentionally do not look too hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation as a way to create, maintain and indulge in fantastical, imaginary women relationships that do not exist in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto sexual memories and memories of women in my past for the sole purpose of sexually stimulating myself with those memories, and nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto, and look at only one point or a few points in a woman or in my relationship with a woman because those points can be used for sexual stimulation, and completely ignore all the other points in that woman or relationship so as to never see the reality of the woman and relationship, until I have gotten into a committed, long-term relationship with this woman and after the energy fades away, I then see the reality of the woman and the relationship that I have been ignoring to this point, and then my imaginings of what life would be like with that person long-term has changed, and I do not like that image, so the relationship line can no longer be held in place, and the relationship fails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to organize, categorize, manage, maintain, classify, and store women and my relationship with women into a hierarchy of which would provide the most stimulation for my mind consciousness system, and then use that hierarchy as a masturbation hierarchy of what I like sexually, what I do not like sexually, and what will turn me on or off, rather than looking at that which would allow each individual in the relationship to be their best, and which relationship would be most supportive for bringing about a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge every girl I see on how experienced they may be sexually, and how well they may be able to perform sexually as in how 'hot' they can be sexually and how much can they turn a man on, and how authentic they might be sexually (are they just putting on a show for the man, like the porn stars, or are they getting genuine pleasure, as that is what turns me on), based on how they carry themselves, how they move and how their body looks, and how they speak and interact with others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, understand, and realize that, generally speaking, any individual can develop a gratifying sexual experience and relationship with basically any other individual, even if at first they do not 'click' or 'connect' or have 'a spark' or have 'chemistry', as this gratifying sexual experience and relationship is developed over time through honesty, intimacy, exploration and change, within each partner and between any two partners.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that in order to reach the depths of sexual expression and gratification, I must invest the time and effort necessary to develop the depth of trust, intimacy, honesty, and expression between myself and another that is required to reach the depths of sexual expression and gratification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my search for the right partner based on a certain look, colour of hair, colour of skin, height, weight, breast size, butt size, etc. that has been programmed into me, that I have never taken apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a woman with these attributes that have been programmed into me on the internet, in order to masturbate to, without questioning why I am drawn to these specific attributes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I like in a woman and what I find attractive and sexually stimulating, rather than investigating each point, and taking what is good and practical, and leaving the rest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate each point that I am looking for in a woman, and keep what is good, leaving the rest to be forgiven and let go of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck in regards to finding a partner, rather than writing about it, performing self-forgiveness, and looking at what I want, what is best, and the practical steps on how to find what I am looking for.

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