Day 1: The Grand Entrance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to let all of my resistances, reactions, thoughts, backchats, internal conversations, feelings, emotions, personalities, ego, patterns, habits, behaviours, beliefs, perceptions, ideas, images, pictures, fantasies, imaginations, and memories that hold be back, chain me up, and tie me down to my past, continue to compound and compile into the extent of control that it has on me now, where I cannot even bring myself to do the things I want to be doing, that I can see for myself are Best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate on really taking apart myself as who I am and recreating myself as who I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay and put off and push away my process to the degree that I have, until right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to get it absolutely perfect and right with the first time I do something, that I have to blow everyone away with my first attempt, and that I have to make sure that every single person is impressed with me and my ability to pick up things quickly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off getting started on something, putting something into action, or going somewhere, because I believed that I have to make a Grand Entrance anywhere I go, in anything I start, or it is just not worth starting at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this desire to make a Grand Entrance to keep me from walking process, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this desire to impress people/everyone to keep me at bay, to keep me broke, to keep me weak, to keep me from ever changing or stepping out of my comfort zone, and to keep me from ever starting anything that I can see would be valuable to me if I had. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself of the fruits of work, of a relationship, of creating something, of creating a business, of starting a project, of going out, of meeting people, of making friends, making sales, of pitching people, of LIFE, because of a belief that I have created in my mind of if it is not perfect, then there's no point, even though in reality, there is NOTHING in this world that BEGINS as perfect other than LIFE ITSELF, and it is actually me and up to me to plug INTO things AS life, IN ORDER TO MAKE it perfect, which is a process that takes time and effort. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself as I recognize that I am not perfect, not realizing that no one starts out perfect, everyone starts off as a blank slate, then our parents create us perfectly with all the imperfections of the System, and that it is up to me to walk as Life through a process of self-perfection, in order to become perfect, to become Life, to become Equal and One with Here, with this Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was supposed to be perfect in everything I do, and that because I am not currently perfect, then I can never be perfect and it is not worth even trying to be perfect, because of how my parents treated me, as they treated me as if I was supposed to be perfect in everything I do, and that is why they were so harsh and abusive with me when I wasn't perfect in everything I did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that maybe my parents were right about how they treated me, maybe I am defective, and I deserve to be hit and screamed at and abused, because of how they abused me and how harsh they were with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that maybe I should just kill myself, maybe I should just die, or maybe I should just run away and never come back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out fantasies in my mind as a child about running away and never coming back, so that maybe it would get my parents to wake up and feel guilt and regret about how they treated me, thinking that maybe THEN they would care about how I felt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out fantasies in my mind as a child about killing myself, so that maybe then my parents would finally wake up and feel bad, and feel guilty, and feel regret, about how they treated me, and maybe THEN they would care about how I felt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize that this is how that anger and sadness and fantasizing is developed into vengeance, and how that vengeance is created and built, and how it can become so great to the point where a child/person decides to put that anger/sadness/fantasy/vengeance into action, and performs a truly heinous act, as they were taught that that is the only type of behaviour that they are capable of, based on the abuse they suffer as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my parents to acknowledge how I feel and what's going on inside of me even today, to the point that I am willing to sabotage my entire life until they finally realize that I am fucked up and that they are the ones who fucked me up, so that they feel that guilt and regret, and maybe THEN they would care about how I felt.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that my parents are only two people, who have quite ineffective vocabularies, that have their own problems in their life, and that they will likely never give me the attention that I have always wanted from them, that I hold onto till this very moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to that desire for personal attention that I felt I needed from my parents as a child right into adulthood, and allow it to take and direct me away from what is Best, and from being Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do anything for anyone and search anywhere for that attention, no matter the cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto that desire for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow that desire for attention to manifest as a desire for approval and a desire to impress people, that I have dedicated my whole life to, rather than dedicating my life to my desire to do what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I now have the ability to be my own mother, and my own father, and give to me the forgiveness, the attention, and the approval that I've been desiring for so long, through really looking at and taking full responsibility for all the ways that I feel, and any movements inside myself, in every moment, like the best parent would. In this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I no longer have to look outward, and to search elsewhere to get the approval and attention I desire, that I now have the ability and the tools to give that to myself, and really take care of myself as treating me as I would have liked to be treated as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself enough see that I am worth Life, that I always have been worth Life, and that I am worth becoming Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was okay to be threatened, and hit, and yelled at, and screamed at, and physically hurt and beaten up as an innocent child.

I am grateful that I have woken up, and have finally decided take the first step in my journey to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound all the memories of defeat, of failure, of not being good enough, of being told to shut up, of being expressed to that I am worthless, that I am not valuable, and live them out as my life as me, up until today. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest this in my life as giving up when things get hard, never even trying because I might fail, backing down from a battle, backing down from standing up for my Principles and what I know is Right/Best, and not pushing myself to improve, to move, to get to what is Best, for myself, for my family, for this entire planet and every Being on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never even try in the first place because I have been living in projections/simulations/imaginations of failure in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question every single thought, pattern, habit, emotion, feeling, judgment, belief, reaction, response, action, perspective, viewpoint, idea, imagination, fantasy, impulse, desire, "need", picture, image, and internal/external movement I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ran/controlled/direct/guided by my mind consciousness system, rather than the principle of what is Best For All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress/repress all of the emotional memories that direct me today, so I never have to look at and take responsibility for them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write out self-forgiveness, even though I have experienced the profound impact/benefits of it, and can see that it is the ONLY path to REAL change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is, and rather than walk what needs to be done, waste valuable time looking for, a shortcut to walking process, a shortcut to changing this world and to changing myself, a shortcut to getting a healthy body, or getting good at something, or that there is a shortcut to ANYTHING, when the only way to do it is 1+1, brick by brick, line by line, program by program, thought by thought, point by point, bite by bite, pattern by pattern, day by day, moment by moment, session by session, writing by writing, block by block, step by step, and breath by breath, until it is done. And one day, it WILL be done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have faith; to see, understand and realize that if I actually, in reality, DO this process, I WILL get everything I am looking for, I WILL BE the person I desire to be, and it WILL get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice what I preach, and tell people to do self forgiveness, yet I have not been doing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push people to do things that I myself was not even willing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the influence and success I COULD have, had I been walking this process from the start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about not walking this process from the start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by that guilt to continue to delay walking process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty throughout most of my life, as I have always felt like I needed to make my parents happy, and that I have never made them happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to all the memories that I have compiled and cherrypicked to reinforce the belief of "I am not good enough" or "I am worthless" or "I can't do this", even though I have proven my worth, that I am good enough, and that I can do this countless times, but I have chosen to forget/deny/supress those memories in order to maintain the "validity" of the other beliefs, which are lies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to and cherrypick specific memories to reinforce the beliefs of "my parents were never happy with me" and "my parents are still disappointed in me" and "my parents are not proud of me", when they have both expressed in some way or many ways that they are proud of me, that they are proud and happy with the children they raised, despite what they might say in moments of possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the deception of thinking that the program that is running in my mother or father when they say something abusive that is designed to hurt me, is real and is who they are and is true, when that program is just a program and is not actually my mother/father. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the deception of thinking that the program that is running in my mind/me when my mind speaks to me in a way that is abusive, that is designed to hurt me and hold me back, is real and is true, and that it is me speaking and that is who I am, when that program is just a program and is not actually me, it is my mind, manifested from my mother and father's programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the physical and emotional pain and trauma that was inflicted onto me as a child, from my mother, my father, my aunties, my uncles, my grandma, my cousins, and my brothers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on and carry on the emotional instability of my mother and the emotional suppression/non-expression of my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to, and accept as REAL, the backchats of my mom and dad telling me that what I am doing is wrong and that I am not allowed to do this or that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memories, and not walk through the pain of my parents' first reaction to beat the bad behavior out of me, to hit me and hit me and hit me until I obey, where I learned that I might die if I keep expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never acknowledge the fear that was created in me as a child from my parents aggressing and physically as well as emotionally and verbally abusing me, to the point where I would constantly be in fear for my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show and accept and allow that it is okay to hit a child and emotionally torment and threaten a child and abuse a child, through my tacit approval of when I see other parents doing that, and through me trying to validate and justify that I turned out fine, and that there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm all good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand by and watch and allow a parent to yell at and abuse their child, rather than stand up and intervene.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself as a man who is no longer a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless to change or stand up to any kind of abuse that I see in this world. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I can't do anything when faced with an emotional mother, father, or person in general, when the truth is, I CAN.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that I have a responsibility to stand up for all those who cannot stand up for themselves, and that starts with first standing up for my SELF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am no longer a child, and that I no longer have to be taken care of, be directed by, listen to, or obey, my parents or any other adults in this world, nor must I be directed by, listen to, or obey, the chatter and thoughts that go on in my mind that was created by my parents, and other adults who I perceived as an authority in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become that scared little boy inside when I come face to face with parents that I know are abusive, that are emotionally unstable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as if I cannot change anything, when I see a parent abusing their child, and breaking his will, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility in standing up to the parent, on my behalf, on the child's behalf, and on the behalf of All, to show the parent and the child and All, that "what you are doing is not okay, what you are doing is ABUSIVE and will hurt your child well into their future".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the program of all the backchat, emotions, thoughts, and patterns of feeling helpless, and to let that program run inside of me when I see abuse in this world and in my world, not just on TV or media, but with my own two eyes, in MY environment, rather than see/realize/understand the POWER I have to help and actually CHANGE things in this world, in my world, in other people, in myself.

I commit myself to walk my Self through the process of self-perfection, through using the tools, writing out self-forgiveness, speaking self-forgiveness, breathing, and self-corrective application for every part of my mind consciousness system, and I commit myself to walking this process, day by day, moment by moment, step by step, breath by breath, until it is done, no matter how long it takes.

I commit myself to taking action as I decide that I want to do something or start something or correct something, rather than waiting until I have every angle figured out, so that I can make progress to doing what I see I need to be doing, and I can figure it out along the way, and develop my responsibility, adaptability, and resilience.

I commit myself to, when I hear those voices in my head that are telling me to stay home, to not do something, to tell me there's no point, or to tell me about what failure looks like in this situation, I will STOP and breathe. I will then write or speak self-forgiveness on the point, look at what is best in the moment, and do whatever I can to move myself to action. If the backchats start coming up even stronger, then I commit myself to sitting down and writing out the thoughts and chatter points, and doing self-forgiveness on it, until it is done.

I commit myself to standing up when I see abuse happening in this world. More specifically, I commit myself to standing up and speaking out whenever I see someone getting bullied/abused, whether it be man to man, woman to man, man to woman, woman to woman, child to child, adult to child, child to adult, human to animal, animal to human, human to planet, in any version of abuse, whether it be physical harm, or verbal/mind harm, wherever I practically can.

I commit myself to standing up to/in myself when I participate in any type of abuse, as calling myself out, doing self forgiveness on the point, then committing to living a new pattern.

I commit myself to, whenever the backchat and thoughts and nervousness and anxiousness comes up in my mind to try to keep me from standing up and speaking out/intervening with someone or some act, I STOP the thoughts and take a deep breath and move on what needs to be moved on, as long as it is safe and practical. I confront the problem, I speak out the problem without judgment, with forgiveness.